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Those store bells are ringing…sales up

Unless you were laid out at the funeral home on Friday or in a coma, then you know that the biggest shopping day of the year passed by.

First, I have never been the type of man who enjoys shopping all day, regardless of what day of the year it happened to be. I'm not knocking those who rush out on the day after Thanksgiving to find the bargains, I admire them. I just don't care to be like them.

This was confirmed yesterday when I got up bright and early…well actually it wasn't so bright but it was early.

I had heard my sisters discussing their game plan for the local shops opening.

These two early birds were ready. One is quite genteel and would never make it in the store, because she would have been saying "Excuse me..pardon me…I'm sorry," as they trampled her.

My other sister would likely be one of the ones who mowed my other sister down.

I have seen Jennifer rally from a dead sleep in order to go make that early morning purchase.

So when I heard that she and JIll would go together this year, I thought to myself how Jill would like be used as a battering ram before Jennifer got finished.

Do you remember a few years back when some woman trying to get into some Wal-Mart was knocked unconscious in the crush of people rushing into the store. I remembered thinking some odd thoughts about it.

One, I sure felt bad for that woman and hope she wasn’t hurt bad.

And, two … well, at least she probably saved some money. Because it’s hard to spend a lot if you are unconscious.

Now, I must admit I did make my venture out in the early hours.

However, when I saw the melee, I simply turned and went back to my nice, warm car.

I turned the heated seats up a bit and I drove right back out of that parking lot.

It just didn't seem worth it to me to fight that crowd to save $20.

Up in the day, I ventured into another store and it went okay. I did have a moment of "buggy rage" when I stood for 16 minutes in one aisle while the two ladies ahead of me exchanged their Cajun turkey recipes.

Other than the intense urge to grab the nearest loaf of French bread and beat them about the head until they collapsed under the wheels of my own buggy or until they moved.

Finally, someone on the other side of the jam said something real loudly about blocking the aisle.

The ladies stepped aside.

I found a few things.

When I got home, I checked the tags and realized I had saved a whopping $18 on my whole excursion.

So I am left feeling like I paid too much for a few things but I have learned in life that for every time you paid too much, other times you'll make a good deal.

So I guess it eventually evens out.

I didn't see my sisters out and about.

I figured if I needed to identify Jill's crumpled body, someone would call me.

Jennifer would have probably watched her go down and made a note to alert mom and dad.

Then shad likely grabbed the nearest child, a smaller, more battering ram, and rushed forward.

So with my full day of work, I did a little shopping and I was left feeling the need for a nap by 2 p.m.

So I had less money and I felt 10 years older.

Maybe I should have stayed there Friday morning and been like the lady who was trampled under. I would have been knocked unconscious before I got in the store, and that might have saved me some cash.

To all our local merchants, I salute you for your hard work during the holiday shopping season.

For those seeking great gifts at good prices, support your hometown and shop locally.

Jay Thomas is group managing editor of the Greenville Advocate and can be reached at 383-9302, ext. 136 or via email at jay.thomas@greenvilleadvocate.com.