America#039;s ideal new peace plan

Published 12:00 am Saturday, March 27, 2004

I'll be the first to admit these are not my own words.

However, I wish they were because I think a lot of these words ring through to many Americans.

Take a read (I've edited out the bad stuff) and let me know what you think on the subject.

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You know, we do enjoy letters to the editor around here.

The peace plan developed by comedian Robin Williams goes as follows:

n The US will apologize to the world for our &uot;interference&uot; in their affairs, past

and present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriega, Milosovich and the rest of those good ol’ boys:

We will never &uot;interfere&uot; again.

Spain’s government turned coward this last few weeks, don’t buy Spanish wine.

n We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and

Japan. They don’t want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one sneaking through holes in the fence.

n All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We’ll give them a free trip home. France would welcome them.

n No more manufacturing to Red China, send it to Mexico.

Red Chinese are buying cars at a mad rate and driving up the price of gasoline.

Send manufacturing to Mexico.

At the same time Mexico has a lot of oil for cars there.

Won’t hurt us!

n All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don’t like it there, change it yourself and don’t hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone.

n No &uot;students&uot; over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don’t attend classes, they get a &uot;D&uot; (for &uot;deport&uot;) and it’s back home baby.

n The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

Actually they will be better off because we air drop hay during a bad winter!

n Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don’t like it, we go some place else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production.

n If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not &uot;interfere.&uot; They can pray to Allah or whomever for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is stolen by their government or army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

Unless we get to pick who they send to the scummy U.N.

n Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island some place. We don’t need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

n All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way no one can call us &uot;Ugly Americans&uot; any longer.

n The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying &uot;Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.&uot; She’s got a baseball bat and she’s yelling, &uot;You want a piece of me?&uot;

I don't know about you but this plan might just work.

Wonder if we could get the government to sign off on it?

Jay Thomas is the managing editor of The Greenville Advocate and can reached at 383-9302, ext. 136, via email at jay.thomas@ or mail at P.O. Box 507, Greenville, 36037.