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Settling a score in a humane way

For many outdoorsmen there exist outrageous stories of man versus beast. From the man who had to fight off a crazed deer in rut with his bare hands to those who have been forced to slay a mighty stag using only a knife or a stick.

These stories become legendary in our hometowns and sometimes, through the age-old art of story telling, even branch out to other areas.

I would like to pass on a new story from my hometown to the good people of Butler County.

I feel that I have one of the best stories of an intense battle of man versus deer that could ever be told.

Sadly, the story began with the best of intentions.

It seems that a gentleman, who shall remain nameless to protect him from certain doom by animal rights groups, stumbled onto an injured deer somewhere near the Tombigbee River.

The deer's time was obviously short and the only thing to do was end the animal's suffering.

Up to this point the story sounds like a person trying to do a humane deed.

However, the problem was how to end the deer's miserable existence.

It was quickly discovered that the Good Samaritan did not have a gun. In fact, he had no weapon at all that could get the job done.

Then a brainstorm hit.

A weapon was chosen that would make this story a legend in Choctaw County that will be passed down for generations.

That weapon was a half full bottle of Jack Daniels.

That's right, a bottle of whiskey.

If the weapon used is not twisted enough, the story of the struggle that followed certainly is.

Deer sport an unusually thick skull and this one was no exception.

After several blows the deer seemed a bit dazed, but showed no signs of going to the light.

But our hero was determined. No thick skulled deer was going to prevent him from his good deed.

So the beating continued.

Though he would need to slow down, and even take a couple of smoke breaks along the way, there would be no quit in our "hero."

At last the deer went down. Further inspection showed that the mission was officially a success.

The deer had gone to the big green field in the sky.

For those who may be offended by this story because of the unnecessary suffering that the deer may, or may not have encountered please remember this.

I WAS IN NO WAY INVOLVED.

Also keep in mind that the deer was going to die anyway and at least made it to deer heaven a little faster.

Rick Couch may be reached at

383-9302 or

via email at rick. couch@greenvilleadvocate.com.