30 is closer than ever imagined

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, July 3, 2002

Yesterday I celebrated my 29th birthday. For weeks I have been dreading this day because it is official that one year from now, I will leave my twenties


It took me almost two weeks to come to the realization that I am not old, but that the best years of my life are just ahead (or that's what all the old people tell me).

Email newsletter signup

Now, I might not be as wise as many of my advisors, but I do know that once you hit 30, there are some things that you can no longer get away with. Here are some examples:

At 30, you can no longer drive around town in your car with the windows down, blaring the obscenities that come with listening to Eminem;

At 30, there is no excuse for going to work with wrinkled clothes;

At 30, you can no longer get away with telling your parents that beer bottle that was found in the back of your car belonged to your friend;

At 30, you can no longer wear t-shirts that are inscribed in glitter paint with the words "Angel" and "Princess";

At 30, you are immediately offended if you don't get carded when buying alcohol or cigarettes;

By 30, the body is so tired and it is not physically possible to work an eight-hour day, hit the clubs until 6 a.m., and then go back to work for another eight hours on more than one occasion in a two-month period;

By 30, you sound like an idiot if you use the word "Phat" or the phrase, "It was the bomb."

By 30, it is no longer acceptable to prank call someone and tell them that their refrigerator is running, or to ask the attendant at Wal-Mart to page your father, whose name is "Seymour Butts."

But, on a happier note, there are some things about turning 30 that I don't really mind. These include:

paying alumni fees rather than tuition;

driving a BMW rather than a Honda because I can finally afford the insurance;

owning furniture for my living room that hasn't belonged to three family members before me.

But, I am proud to turn 29 this year, and I am thankful that I have made it this far in my life.

But, the most beautiful part of it all is that I have followed in the footsteps of my mother and I am fortunate that even at 29, I still get carded for lottery tickets.