Help has arrived

Published 12:00 am Saturday, May 19, 2001

I am proud to say that help is hereI now have a new boss.

More appropriately, Greenville Newspapers

has a new Managing Editor on-board, fresh from the Gulf of Mexico, where she was the Editor at The Islander in Gulf Shores.

Stacy Killingsworth comes to us with a fresh new inspiration, and some great ideas, and what is even better than that: she can write, and good at that!

Which brings me to the topic of today's discussion.

I can actually free up more time to make rounds, and get more coverage into the paper!

For those faithful readers that have hung in with me as I have struggled to get events covered, I am here to say the light has been turned on at the end of the tunnel.

Now, I know that many readers want to see more coverage of the teams at the ballpark, and I have the complete cooperation of the Parks and Recreation Department so as to get the games reported on, and now I also have the means to get out more.

Yeah, that's the ticket, get some sun on those buns!

Speaking of which, if you should happen to practice vanity to the extent that I have, be forewarned: those tanning beds can hurtcha!

I got into one, and although I had been in artificial sun makers many times, this was the first for the season.

My wife also says I have to be more careful, as I get older (which I firmly say is not happening.)

Anyway, I got into the tanning bed, and knowing that certain parts of a man's body should never see the sun, I wore some shorts.

This first time, I didn't put on any tanning oil or enhancers, but I felt the next day as though it would be a long time before I achieved my optimum tanning results.

So off to Wally World I went, and I found some stuff that smelled good, looked decent, had that expensive name on it, and also had something I had never heard of in itan ingredient described as a bronzing agent'.

Well, sir, that must be for me. Visions of that ripped-out dude on the poster in the tanning bed room came into my mind.

I remembered how darkly his skin was, as he stood there, with a babe under his arm, advertising a tanning solution.

So, with my new found magic-in-a-bottle', I was off to the tanning bed.

Well, it probably took longer to put the stuff on me than I actually needed to stay in the lighted bed, but, just like I had always done before, I stayed in there for 20 minutes.

Toward the last eon, I noticed it started to get hot in there, and that had not ever occurred before, to my recollection, anyway.

Okay, the timer beeped, the lights turned off, and I hopped out, toweled off, and cleaned the bed for the next user (I would hope that, although I always spray and wipe them down before and after use, the person before me did the same.)

Still, I didn't notice any problems.

Headed back to the house, proud to know that in a short time, I was going to be the next bronzed Adonis on Cunningham Street.

Was I ever wrong!

When I got home, I took a shower, and noticed that I had started to turn pinknothing unusual.

By the time I went to bed, my skin was feeling warm, still, nothing that was not expected.

But then came the morning, and it was a whole new deal when I moved!

I was scorched!

I took the coldest shower I could possibly stand, and after drying off, put some Vanilla Bean Oil' on, so that I would not dry my skin out.

May just have well been Wesson! I started to fry, just like Florence Henderson's chicken.

And that was just day 2by day 4, I felt like one of those Kimono Dragon Lizards you see on the Discovery Channel, peeling in layers just like I was molting a new skin.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

But that was a week ago, and the peeling has nearly ceased now.

Think I might even be brave enough as we get nearer to the weekend, so as to take a trip to the tanning bedbut this time, I think I'll stay in about 10 minutes.

And so, until we meet again, I will be at the ballparks, hoping to see you thereyou'll find me there, out in Deep Left Field.