Thank God for turkey farms

Published 12:00 am Saturday, December 23, 2000

I was busy Monday night, with laptop in lap, &uot;punching out&uot;

(I guess that line came from recent memories of election

ballot talk) some copy to go in Wednesday’s edition.Monday

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Nitro wrestling was fairly boring (nothing can touch the

WWF, in my opinion), so I started channel surfing.I came to

a particularly interesting show, on TNN (what used to be

&uot;the Nashville Network&uot;, and is now the &uot;National

Network&uot;).Having come to God’s Country from up north, I am

privy to wetland hunting, more specifically, duck, goose and

other waterfowl.But what caught my eye, was a group of

&uot;hunting experts&uot; at a target range. These guys were sitting

on freshly tilled dirt, shooting at turkey head targets

mounted on a fence 40-yards down-range.These guys were good!

Shooting from that distance, with a shotgun loaded with

six-shot, they patterned dead center on the turkey’s head,

after the narrator gave them a few tips on aim and choke

compensation.Of course, these guys could all have been

professional target shooters for all I know, but none the

less, I was impressed.But that was just on paper targets.

After a commercial break, they came back, and were out in

the woods (they actually had deer running toward their

cameraman-wonder if he was wearing &uot;doe in heat&uot; to get that

to happen).These guys called turkeys in to them in droves,

and, while talking to each other and the camera in whispers

(something I have always heard you shouldn’t do), the

turkeys continued to come toward them.In response to the

clucking one of the hunters produced, the biggest tom of the

group started strutting, and fanning-out his feathers. With

that, another tom did the same.Up jumps &uot;Joe Hunter&uot;, and he

fires one shot. This cat didn’t hit one turkey in the head,

he hit BOTH turkeys in the head, with one shot!Awesome! But

then, with the magic of television and videotape, you have

to wonder…did it really happen that way?I’m the skeptical

type, you know, the variety that grew up secretly thinking

that those pictures of the astronauts walking on the moon

were actually on a cloudy stage, with an &uot;anti-gravity

maker&uot;, or some really black wire to make them bounce when

they walked.But the second guy didn’t shoot, and they ran up

to the birds, talking about how nice and big they were.After

another commercial break, &uot;Joe and Jim Bob&uot; were back in a

blind of trees, clucking away again at some turkeys a

considerable distance away.Lo and behold, they once again

lured the crafty birds in, and Joe, from a

squatted-position, fired one round and hit a tom. Then, Jim

Bob jumps up from behind him, takes aim, and fires a shot,

nailing Tom’s cousin Tim.These guys were awesome. I can’t

ever manage to see turkeys unless I am driving by Bates’

farm in Fort Deposit, much less in the woods.Put a turkey

caller in my mouth, and I might choke on it, but it won’t

squawk.That’s why I am so proud for grocers and turkey

farms. This way, the non-expert, one such as myself, gets to

eat turkey on Thanksgiving and Christmas.From out in &uot;Deep

Left Field&uot;, I wish each and every one happy and safe