SEALs, new dads share skill set

Published 4:21 pm Tuesday, October 6, 2015

I’ve been a parent for an entire three-and-a-half months now.

In that time I’ve learned that the skills needed to be a parent are some of the same skills needed to be a Navy SEAL.

Absurd you say?

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Allow me to explain.

Navy SEALs must be able to hold their breath underwater for at least two minutes.

Weak-stomached dads need the same skill when changing a diaper that’s filled with, well, let’s just call it a surprise — a nasty, nasty surprise.

SEALs must also be stealthy.

Likewise, a parent must be able to get in and out of the room of a sleeping baby undetected. One heavy step, ill-timed cough or bumped piece of furniture and the little person may begin shrieking like an air raid siren. This is to be avoided at all costs.

SEALs must be able to endure physical torture. When national secrets are on the line, SEALs can’t just begin blabbering at the first hint of pain.

While a baby isn’t the same as a hostile interrogator, she can inflict plenty of pain. After hours of screaming that has pushed a dad to the breaking point, she finally falls asleep. This is where the ability to endure physical torture is absolutely necessary.

The dad can risk putting her down, but the safe play is to hold her while she sleeps. The pain comes when his arm decides to join the baby in taking a little siesta. The tingling nerves can become almost unbearable. He must block out the pain.

SEALs have laser-like focus.

They are able to focus on the mission at hand with jets zooming above their heads, bombs exploding around them and bullets whizzing all around them.

A dad must learn to focus no matter what is thrown his way.

The baby is sure to scream. She’s not above pinching with those tiny, cute little fingers. She’ll spit up all over him.

He must focus. If not, he may miss the game-winning touchdown.

You see, being a parent really is a lot like being a Navy SEAL.