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Dear Amy,

My sister and I are planning our parents’ 40th wedding anniversary party, but she keeps hijacking everything. She already booked a venue without telling me, picked a theme I hate (1970s disco, seriously?) and every time I suggest something, she steamrolls right over me. I want to celebrate our parents, but I also want to scream. Help?

— Overshadowed and over it

Dear Overshadowed,

Let me guess — you foolishly assumed “co-planning” meant you’d both have input? That was adorable. You clearly didn’t realize that your sister is the self-appointed Queen of All Celebrations and you’re just lucky to be in her court.

You may not be able to control how the party turns out but you can make sure everyone knows how you feel about it. Show up to the party in mourning black with a nice veil and hand out pamphlets titled, “What This Party Could Have Been.”

Or better yet, plan a competing 40th anniversary party for the same day. Only invite the fun relatives. Bonus points if it’s 1980s themed and held in a roller rink.

Or hey — go the subtle sabotage route. If you’re not going to enjoy the party then no one should right? Call the caterer and gently suggest that the guest of honor has recently developed a deep spiritual aversion to anything seasoned. Replace the menu with boiled chicken and beige vegetables. Swap the DJ’s playlist for Gregorian chants and whale sounds. Quietly rearrange the seating chart so that no one who gets along is within shouting distance. When it’s time for a toast, make sure everyone knows that your sister should get all the credit for planning this “special evening”. If you’re feeling especially crafty, send out a “correction” email claiming the party has been moved to a new (fake) venue.

If for some reason, you can’t commit to any of those great options, maybe take a deep breath and remember who this party is for — your parents. They’re likely just thrilled you both care enough to throw them a celebration. Have a calm conversation with your sister about how you’re feeling left out. It’s possible she didn’t realize how much she was dominating the planning, and if she did, then it’s even more important to speak up.

Ask for a specific area to take ownership of, like the slideshow, food or music and make it yours. You don’t have to win every battle — just make sure you’re both present for the bigger picture: honoring your parents’ love, not throwing a disco tantrum.

Best of bad advice,

Amy