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Dear Amy,

My coworker, let’s call him Dave, keeps taking my food from the office fridge. At first, I thought maybe he mistook my lunch for his, but after the fourth time my clearly labeled meal vanished, I knew it was intentional. The final straw was when he ate my homemade lasagna and left the empty container in the sink like some kind of trophy.

Management won’t do anything because “it’s just food,” and I’m sick of packing two lunches — one for me and one for Dave. How do I make it stop?

— Hungry and Furious

 

 

Dear Hungry,

Clearly, Dave has mistaken the communal fridge for a free all-you-can-eat buffet. Since subtlety isn’t working, it’s time for war. Here’s what you should do:

Pack a decoy meal loaded with something highly unexpected — wasabi-filled cupcakes, salt-and-vinegar yogurt or a sandwich stuffed with peanut butter and sardines. Watch as Dave takes one bite and immediately questions his life choices.

If that doesn’t work try the public shame approach. Leave a note on the fridge that says, “Dear Office Food Thief: We’ve installed hidden cameras. Smile while you chew!” There are no cameras, but Dave doesn’t need to know that.

If he still goes for your food, make sure you label your lunch as something terrifying: “Experimental Liver Pâté,” “Expired Sushi,” or “Grandma’s Prune Surprise.” Let’s see if Dave still has the stomach for theft after that.

As a last resort, take your lunch, seal it in a heavy-duty locked container. Then, place an identical container next to it but fill that one with those exploding dye packs they use to catch bank robbers. Next, booby-trap the breakroom like it’s a scene from Mission Impossible.” Set up a web of red yarn “laser beams” leading to the fridge, and when Dave inevitably ducks and weaves his way through, have a motion-activated speaker play dramatic music. Bonus points if you leave behind a blinking toy that looks just suspicious enough to make him question if he should risk it. He may not stop stealing but at least he’ll have to work for it.

In reality, this is a frustrating situation, and honestly, your office should take it more seriously. Food theft is still theft, not to mention, just plain rude. Before escalating, have you confronted Dave directly? Sometimes, calling out the behavior face-to-face is enough to stop it. Try approaching Dave with a mature statement like this:

“Hey, I’ve noticed my food keeps going missing. If you need something to eat, just let me know, but please don’t take my lunch.”

If that doesn’t work, try keeping your food at your desk in a small cooler or even bringing in meals that require no refrigeration.

Best of Bad Advice,

Amy