Archived Story

Oh Christmas Tree, I win

Published 3:20pm Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, why must you be so sappy?

As I sit here to type this column, my fingers are still stained with sap and more than a little sticky.

Both are reminders of our time together this weekend and my attempt to bring the great outdoors indoors.

I expected a challenge. You didn’t disappoint.

This wasn’t my first rodeo when it comes to taking a tree from the wild, also known as the Walmart Garden Center, and placing it in my living room. My wife is a big believer in having a real tree for Christmas.

She says it’s fun. Was this weekend’s battle fun for you?

We’ve had several real Christmas trees over the years. Some may have even been your kinfolks.

A few of them nearly broke me, so I decided to employ a new strategy this year.

I needed to look the part of someone who had harvested his fair share of trees.

You obviously weren’t intimidated by my attempt to look like a lumberjack.

Right away you saw the city slicker hiding under the plaid flannel shirt.

The battle of wills was on.

I was determined to make you stand up straight — or at least kind of straight. You were determined to lean like someone who hadn’t had his daily glass of V8.

You almost had me fooled that time you stood perfectly straight for several minutes, only to do your best impersonation of the Leaning Tower of Pisa as soon as I turned my back.

Well played, sir, well played.

You put up a good fight, my friend, but in the end you stood straight and tall. Well, tall and relatively straight. I’m calling it a win.

I’ll admit I was caught off guard when you used one of your many small branches to jab me in the eye as I attempted tighten the stand around your trunk.

That’s when I knew I had you.

The cheap shot was obviously a sign of desperation.

Oh Christmas Tree, I win.

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